20 Week Appointment

We had our 20 week appointment today. We finally met the ultrasound tech (who wasn't very friendly). I so had to pee and I thought I may pee on her with the force she was pushing down on every inch of my stomach. Little Hunter is breech for now (he doesn't want the blood rushing to his head). He is measuring on target for our due date and weighs 341 grams (or about 12 ounces). They did find two Choriod Plexus Cysts on his brain. Since there are no other risk factors (my AFP test was normal, his hands, face, back of the neck, etc. all look fine), it is more than likely an isolated CPC. Since my midwife and the OB want to be on the safe side, we will be going for a level 2 ultrasound at EVMS in the near future (they will call me tomorrow with my appointment date).

Having them tell us that we needed to go to EVMS scared/worried me/tore me up inside/etc./etc. me. They really didn't go much into detail about what it could mean, just that they wanted to be on the safe side. So Carl and I came home and did some research of our own. Of course, you see phrases like "Trisomy 18", "still born", "don't usually make it past the age of one" which really scare the crap out of you. After reading one thing, I was in the bathroom, in the fetal position, crying my eyes out. Carl, being the more practical one, continued to research and found that 1% of babies develop these cysts and they are no way harmful to the baby. If there are other risk factors for Trisomy 18 and Down Syndrome, then it can just be another sign pointing to those conditions. CPCs usually go away on their own, and even if they don't, they do not cause any mental damage or learning problems.

As I type all of this "logical" thinking, I am still worried sick. I feel like I could just go sleep in bed for the rest of the night and maybe even tomorrow. I know this won't solve anything, but I feel like I could go do that. It has only been a few hours, and at times, I don't feel like wanting to cry, but then others when I could just let the tears flow. I know Carl and I can handle anything together, whether we have a "normal", healthy baby or a baby with a disability. Whatever the prognosis of this level 2 ultrasound, it doesn't change the outcome of our pregnancy. Hunter will stay with us as long as he does; that is not our decision to make. We have a wonderful support system and we are very thankful for all the love we have been shown from our family and friends.

And, so I don't end on that drab note, Carl felt Hunter as I was typing this. I could feel him punching/kicking me, and I felt him on the outside. I had Carl push his hand hard on my stomach then let go and Hunter let him know he wasn't pleased. Apparently stress doesn't suit Hunter well, he is not liking his mother ships current emotional condition and he is letting me know.