Worrying Does No Good

Worrying doesn't get anyone anywhere. It doesn't solve any problems, it doesn't make Friday get here any faster (which, by the way, is our appointment day with EVMS), and it certainly doesn't suit Hunter very well (he goes a little crazy).

With that being said, I have had a few pity parties (like, the night after the 20 week ultrasound, or the day I was sitting around the house with nothing to do). But did they make me feel any better? No. What does make me feel better? Being Hunter's mother, enjoying the pregnancy, feeling Hunter move, having Carl/family/friends remind me there is nothing to worry about, watching Carl touch/talk/kiss my belly, and knowing there are no other signs of problems. Again, I'm not worried about having a child with a disability (well, I mean, I am, but not for superficial reasons, more so being the best advocate I could be for a child with a disability), it worries me not being able to raise my child (i.e., Trisomy 18).

So, what am I doing? Not worrying anymore. We haven't had the level 2 ultrasound yet, so why should I worry? For all I know, Hunter just has cysts (which aren't uncommon, and before the machines got so high-tech, went undetected) and they may or may not go away on their own. And if they don't go away, they won't harm him in any way. I am going to just enjoy the ride with Hunter and love him unconditionally.

Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of love. - Maureen Hawkins.